New Born Queen
by Shazaleaf
Summary: Gwen starts to panic after her crowning. She doesn't feel ready for such a title. Will she falter? or rise up to be all that she is destined to?
1. Chapter 1

It had been all but 10 minutes since my crowing ceremony had finished. Servants of the castle , ladies and knights of Camelot, and other nobles were filing out of the grand hall. I Still next to Arthur upon our thrones. _Thrones._ I still couldn't come to terms with the fact that I was now _queen._ I had waited so long to rule beside Arthur. Only now was I realizing that my fantasies were revolved around Arthur, and no so much the ruling side of things. I knew nothing of being a lady , of how to sit , stand , walk, talk , eat, _breath. _Which was surprisingly difficult in these ridiculous corsets that where unbearably ridged.

My breaths increased as panic started to enclose up and around my throat. I felt a light pressure on my hand, and turned to find Arthur , looking concerned towards me " Is everything alright? " He asked.

"Yes" I answered with a smile , though I could never fool him.

"Gwen " he sighed with a knowing tone.

" It's just that-well- I feel like I've waited so long for this, to become your wife -your queen. They have seemed like such prosperous goals for so long…." she expressed " What I mean to say is, I haven't really given much thought as to what is to proceed. I have no idea how to be a lady of royalty, I'm not even sure I'll conduct my self properly in front of other nobles…..What if I say the wrong thing? What if I -" I was cut off by Arthur " Guinevere. Calm down. If anyone understands the needs of our people. Its you. Don't not fret my love. You will learn in time. "

"That's just the thing though Arthur , I don't have time , what if I am needed tomorrow? I cannot learn all I need to in such a small amount of time"

"You will be fine . Trust me " He said with a smile.

Looking around , the hall was empty with the exception of the workers removing the velvet carpet and laden flowers. Arthur Stood up looking down at me , and offered his hand.

I took it as we started to make our way down towards the large oak doors.

" I have no doubt that you will excel in your duties, Gwen. You will know what to say and how act when the time comes"

I laughed " Your saying that my performance is nothing but guess work? I hardly think that will sit well with the council"

He laughed along with me "No , what I mean is that you have an open heart , and any decisions you make I know will come with just."

"I hope so…"

They now exited the hall , and entered the wide berth of the castle corridors "Shall I introduce you to our chambers ?" Arthur asked excitedly.

"Please do " I answered with a smile.

Arthur and myself had not been permitted to spend our wedding night together - much to my disappointment - in fact the laws of Camelot stated that we were not to do so until my crowing, something to do with a final act of eternal bonding. Some customs and laws really were not to my liking.

We walk a little too fast down the corridors together , I giggled as we hurried up the stone stairs. Arthur lead me through the all too familiar snaked twists and turns of the upper castle's corridors.

Until we reached the front door of his - _our_ - chambers.

"Well, here we are" He breath with a nervous edge to his tone.

" I have _seen_ these chamber's before Arthur , it's not a mystery to me " I said .Unless he's forgotten , I had visited these chambers a number of times and for various reasons. Why he was implying that there was something to be unveiled I had no idea.

"Oh really" He replied ,opening the door , indeed to unveil a sight unlike no other.

Arthur's chambers had been completely transformed.

A newly carved four posted bed lay in the place of the old one , with shimmering cream fabric draping around the wood. Vases of brightly coloured flowers all around the room. But more prominently , and open wardrobe revealing dozens of beautiful dresses. I was abruptly frozen into a state of shock, as I made my way towards the open cascade of wondrous fabric. I unconsciously brushed my hand across the materials. So many different colours, texture and patterns far beyond my own creative hand. I was so enthralled by the sight , that I didn't notice Arthur make his way to my side , and therefore jumped out of my skin when his voice suddenly became so close.

"Do you like it?" he whispered

"These can't all be for me?" I replied, bemused. I don't think I'd seen so many dresses in all my life, let alone wore them.

"Well _I'm _certainly not planning on wearing any of them"

I laughed at that. "I might have to make and exception for Merlin though " He continued, picking out silk gown in emerald green. "This would defiantly suit his skin tone don't you think?" He asked.

We both laughed and made our way over to the expansive desk table , now accustomed with two grand chairs on either end. Arthur began to explain The where parchment and quills were kept, and where we were to store updated taxes and so fourth. That was until a _knock , knock _came at the door. Arthur looked up at once and said "Ah, Right on time… Enter!" and in walked a petite young woman , with dark hair and pale skin, but a bright and warming smile.

"Guinevere" Arthur began " Allow me to introduce you to your new maid. Suzette"

"Maid?" I turned to him and asked " I really don't think there's any need…"

"Your are a lady now, and you may require her more than you think" Arthur reassured me, and signalled Suzette to come fourth.

"Pleased to meet you , My Lady" She said with another warm smile.

"Pleased to meet you too " I replied, throwing Arthur a nervous glace as he retreated to the doorway.

"I'll let you two get acquainted , but don't take too long" He said with a smug grin.

"And why is that?" I questioned.

"Because we have our first council meeting in under half an hour" he said. And with the same grin on his face , he snuck out of the door.

"Oh my- Arthur!" I yelled after him , but it was too late. In less than an hour I'd be sitting amongst the most influential people in the kingdom , and I wasn't ready.

I wasn't ready to offer guidance and opinions on matters of which I've never heard of before!

Suzette noticed the fear in my face , and tried to comfort me "Don't worry my lady, we'll find you something suitable to wear" She said. As if finding the right dress to wear was the cause of my problems….


	2. Chapter 2

I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling wondering how on earth I was going to do this. But during my stupor I noticed something ever so strange… If I hadn't have known any better, there was none other than a grand painting of the entire map of Camelot on the ceiling of my chambers!

What must Arthur be thinking? I know he is king now… but I could think of this only as paranoia at best! I groaned out loud and sensed a presence nearing towards me…

"Uhhh….. My lady? I really think we should be getting you dressed…"

"If we must…" I replied in a tedious voice

" If I may say so my lady , I think that you will make a glorious queen. All the villagers agree"

"They do ?" I asked

"Yes my lady, only this morning was a local tradesman raving about the voice of the people finally being heard!"

"The people…." I mused "Just because I was once a servant … doesn't mean that I can determined the whole kingdom's thoughts collectively in a way that will please everyone" I added, my voice breaking half way. I felt my eyes tearing as my vision started to blur.

"Now we can't have you upset for your first council meeting " Suzette soothed , placing a hand on my shoulder. " Come, my lady, what about this Burgundy number?"

" What's the use !" I said a tad too loudly " What difference is the colour of my dress going to make, when I make a fool of myself ,embarrass my husband ,and disappoint my people! " I sobbed

Suzette sat down next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders " It will do no good to sit and weep my lady" She soothed . I turned to with helplessness in my eyes, she seemed like a young woman with much in her grasp, a pretty face that I could guess had been courted by many men. Eyes more piercing than I had previously noticed , not someone I would have initially taken for a servant.

"What brings you here Suzette? You are no doubt bright enough to run a small business of your own….."

"Oh, I do my lady, a small florists on the outskirts of the citadel. I had the honour of meeting our king on multiple occasions , he would….ah…. make use of my services"

"Arthur made regular visits to a florist?" I asked .I could hardily imagine Arthur wanting to brighten his own day with a bunch of wild daises.

"Yes , my lady, for what I could only presume as a gift for his love interest …."

I gasped aloud "You….you mean to say that all those times Arthur would appear at my door with a fresh bunch of tulips…or a beautiful basket of lilies…" She reminisced her silent joy when Arthur would surprise her like that. " Those were all your doing?"

Suzette suddenly appeared extremely discomforted " I- I'm so sorry my lady, I… I thought I was doing a service , I-"

I burst out laughing.

"My lady? Are you-?"

"I should - have known" I said between breaks of hysteria. " Arthur cannot dress himself into his battle armour - how I believed that he had trekked through the forest and assembled such delicate arrangements of flowers…." I continued to giggle at my own obliviousness.

Suzette let out a great sigh of relief

"Thank you , suzette, they were beautiful"

"Thank you, my lady." She smiled " And so I was summoned little but 3 days ago to start duties as your maid . The king declared that since I had assisted him in his quest for your heart, that he could see no person more fit for the role .That was , of course, if I accepted….."

" And you did?"

"Well of course , my lady , How many can say they have been specially selected as personal maid to the Queen of Camelot ? "

"Not many suppose…" I said looking down at my hands.

Just then her delicate finger tipped my chin, forcing me to look at her directly.

"And it would be my honour, to lay down my life in defending the greatest Queen Camelot is destined to see."

"Thank you." I whispered with a smile. Suzette had an honesty about her , the kind that was very rare among most. Only now was I realizing how lucky I was to have such a person in my midst, let alone my maid.

"Come on then" suzette chirped. She bounced off the bed and strode over the endless stretch of dresses "Wipe those tears , and lets get you ready"

I pulled myself up off of the bed , goodness these corsets really were tight….

"Could we perhaps select something a little more flexible…?" I asked

Suzette turned to me, and immediately noticed my distress. "Of course , my lady , maybe we should favour those kind for all your meetings, don't want you passing out while balancing the fate of the kingdom " She added with a smile.

"Oh don't say that…" I groaned " I'm nervous enough as it is"

Suzette pulled out an beautiful Ivy green gown , with Golden stitch , and looked at me for confirmation . I nodded in approval and turned around to allow her to start undoing my lace.

She started to loosen , and the relieving sense of release flowed through my body as I could once again breathe properly.

" How do I stop my self from saying the wrong thing?" I questioned , as Suzette pulled my violet crowing gown down to my ankles, leaving me in nothing but my under garments.

"All I know my lady , is that you are the Kings one and only -useful-advisor from now on…. And his decisions will only be carried forward with your approval"

She really hadn't answered my question….. " I'm afraid I don't understand" I asked as I stepped into a mountain of green layers , and felt them being swept up around my body.

"You are the first Queen Camelot has seen in over 20 years , such an important role has been absent for so long now….."

My freedom of flexibility was short lifted as Suzette began to tie a heavier but less rigid corset around my small waist.

"I'm still failing to see reason" I said doubtfully.

"What I mean is , maybe for your _first_ meeting , just to grow accustomed to the surroundings , you should solely base what you say around The kings own decisions ."

" Ahhh, just agree or disagree with _his _decisions , in order to learn of the issues themselves." I realized, astonished.

" Precisley , my lady , your advice is all he may require at this point in your rein. Surely he mustn't expect you to make any large , effective proposals so early on."

The steady tightening of the laces drew to an end at the small of my back, and I released the newly inserted ,waist high bar on the far wall, that I could use to braise myself on.

"Precisley" I echoed.

"Will I be attending this meeting myself?"

Arthur's voice carried from over the sold changing screen"Only if you've set you heart on it" I replied , coming out from behind the screen.

Arthur turned my way , and expressed a moment of shock " Guinevere…. You look -"

"Are we to attend this meeting or not? " I asked, nervously brushing the front of dress.

He shook his head and came back to his scenes " Of course" he said , still slightly taken aback . Extending his arm to me , he asked "Ready?"

I threading my arm through the hook of his " Ready as I'll ever be" I replied, trying to form what I though was a smile.

We made our way across the room and out of the door way. I turned to catch a last glimpse at Suzette as she gave me an encouraging wink. I tried a smile in return , but felt as though I was swept away. Now facing the same corridors as before, but with a much less desirable destination.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Guys! Just a quick message to say thank you! To ALL the people who reviewed chapters 1 &2 , I appreciate it so much! I've also noticed the amount of people who have viewed who I also want to thank , but if you could review as well , even if it's just one word, that would be awesome. All you followers motivate me to write more , so keep the love coming!**

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while , I've been really busy with other stuff. **

**And who isn't super excited for series 5 of Merlin!? I've been watching a bomb load of old episodes to prepare myself. I'm not really sure how I feel about series 5 starting 3 years later after Series 4 finished…. I'm more of a start where you finished off kind of person. Which has enlightened me even more to carry on with this story because it takes place within this 'gap'.**

**There's only 41 days to go people, hang in there fellow Merlin Fans! .**

**Here's chapter 3! Enjoy! **

Before I knew it, we were facing more large doors. Did they all have to be so looming?

I tried to remember Suzette's advice , what was it she said again? Agree with everything Arthur says?

No that wasn't it. I'm my own person . And the last person who would want me to hang onto Arthur's every word with no independence of my own would be Arthur himself. He wants me to prove myself.

_Prove myself._ Exactly what I'd been dreading.

No Gwen! Stop over reacting! , you're queen of Camelot after all.

Arthur sensed my distress, and turned to face me , looking straight into my eyes.

"You can do this" he said sternly. That made one of us.

"I know it" he finished with a light kiss on my cheek.

I sincerely hoped he knew what he was claiming. Because before I had time for a last intake of air, Arthur had hooked my left arm through his right , and pushed open the Large looming doors to enter a room which I could only describe as _long_. Long and narrow , with arched windows letting floods of light in on the entire right hand side.

But more prominently , a large rectangular table with a dozen pair of eyes boring into mine.

The 12 council elders where just that. _Elderly._ Grey haired, long nosed and bored looking.

I had , of course, no problem with men of age. My good friend Gaius was proof, if ever there was.

But there was one thing I could bargain for when it came to these men, that their opinions would not differ far from that of Arthur's late father. Uther. _King _Uther. Who had sentenced me to death more times then I care to recall.

The elders rose form from their seats, and Arthur gave a short , sharp nod , signalling them to relax.

Arthur guided me over past the never ending table, to the head, of which had two decorative chairs. Arthur Signalled me to be seated first. I did so very clumsily , and got a good wave of judging looks. I felt Arthur squeeze my hand underneath the table as a last notion of comfort. I turned to looked at him, but his attention was no longer mine.

"Welcome" He began. " I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you ,to make sure you make our queen welcome. Her council is valid , not only to me, but to you also. So let her voice be heard and her opinions considered."

Perfect. I was grateful for Arthur's words, but petrified at the same time. The plan was to not _have _an opinion. At least not today. Was it pessimistic to believe that Arthur may have just sealed my doom?

The elders nodded. I feared it was more in acknowledgment than it was in agreement.

"If I may begin sire…." Spoke a large man two seats down to my left.

"Of course , Lord Pethlem" Arthur replied, signalling with his hand for the gentleman to continue.

"The taxes required from the peasants" Lord Pethlem implied…

Arthur rolled his eyes discretely " Always a delightful topic" he muttered under his breath.

I myself was disheartened, but more so by his choice of words. I really did hate the word 'peasants' Along with slaves and servants and other phrases of the kind. Was there something so wrong with the alternative of 'workers' ? because that's exactly what they were, and damn hard workers at that. They were after all the base of the kingdom itself.

"It has been suggested by many of the field owners" Lord Pethlem Continued "For an alternative in the form of crops"

"Grain for taxes?" Another elder laughed dismissively "And what appeal does that present?"

"They propose the excuse of low business. If they have no money to pay , yet crops to spare, they are equally as willing to spare them" Lord Pethlem explained.

"Just another farce" The gaunt faced elder grumbled " A scam for them to carry out in order to scurry their way out of paying their _lawful _due."

"Now not nessicerly, Ryus" Arthur Opposed " It couldn't hurt to consider gathering taxes in a variety of forms"

"But sire … we don't want to give the impression that we're liable to bargain with commoners" The man who spoke was directly to my left, and his posture was not welcoming. I may have imagined it, but I couldn't help but feel as though his vicious gaze was aimed at me when he emphasised the word 'commoners'.

"The people of the outlying villages look for refuge here at the palace, one of the things we struggle to provide is food when our walls take on more than they can handle"

"I understand sire, but what's next? The butcher leaving a cow on our doorstep, instead of the money needed to forge swords for our knights?"

"It is not a permanent ordeal Larcington" Lord Pethlem explained.

"Well I think it's a ridiculous law to even consider, if I may say so my Lord. Those who roam the streets and squirm in there own filth have no place suggesting such notions, there are enough shortages as it is. And if these peasants attempt in any way to avoid paying taxes, the penalty should be death."

It was silent for half a second. The words that Larcington had just spoken angered me to my core.

And my mouth opened without my brain giving it permission to do so.

"How dare you" I whispered , not in shyness , but in disbelief. "How dare you insult the people who provide the very food you eat, clothes you wear and bed you lie in . You should be ashamed. They work day in day out just to survive, and you sit here like a sodden pig at the alter! Choosing weather they live or die, when you have no idea what they sacrifice! You wouldn't last one hour in their shoes, you wouldn't recognise workmanship if you tasted it in the air you breath!"

I felt like I'd gone red in the face. It took a moment to realize what I'd done.

Oh my..

I flashed to look around the room to find the same emotion leaking from every being.

_Shock , _from everyone . Except Arthur, who was looking down at his hands in shame.

"I - I'm sorry , I-" I spluttered incoherently.

My eyes pricked with tears of humiliation, what had I done? I stood up so abruptly that my chair nearly toppled over.

"Guinevere-" Arthur began..

But I sped for the exit before I could hear anymore.

. I ran towards the nearest window sill at the end of the corridor so that I could breath. Damn these sodden corsets! I held my torso and let the tears roll from my eyes.

I failed him. I had failed Arthur before the day was out

I was a miserable excuse for a wife, a Queen….. Who insults the entire council on their first day? Arthur was probably apologizing for my actions right now…

But obviously not before he had dealt with me personally as I heard one of the many doors unbolt, and hurrying footsteps ."Gwen! What are you doing out here?" Arthur panted.

I turned towards him teary eyed and tried to explain. " I'm so sorry Arthur, I don't know what came over me, Larcington just- His words were so vile, I - I'm sorry…" I bent my head in shame.

"Shhhh" he soothed and stepped towards me , cradling me in his arms against his chest. " What are you talking about?" he asked almost cheerfully , I looked up to see what emotions were written on his face.

"I'm proud of you!" he exclaimed beaming down at me.

"For what? Insulting the entire room?"

"You really have no idea…" He said smiling and taking my face into his hands "Everyone despises Larcington, he's always offending people… with his opinion , his manners, even his presence can annoy me at times. Everyone there was so astonished that you had to courage to confront him about his ways. More than I ever had"

"So - you mean, they don't hate me?"

"Of course not." He laughed "In fact ,now I think they look _forward_ to your council, and maybe we won't see much of Larcington at our meetings anymore, which you can take my word , everyone will be eternally grateful for."

I laughed , leaned my head against his and let out a long sigh.

"It's been a long day" Arthur breathed.

" Exhausting" I replied.

Looking out of the open window , I noticed that the sky had darkened to a pitch black cloak sweeping across the land.

"I suppose we should make our way back to our chambers…." Arthur suggested , with a hint of nervousness.

Oh.

I was Queen now. And it was clear that the evening we had both craved for some time now was suddenly upon us. Goosebumps raised on the back of my neck .I bit my lip as I replied " I suppose".

The corridors where now becoming all to familiar. But I didn't notice much , as I spent almost the entire time, glancing into Arthur's crystal blue eyes and praying that Suzette had taken her leave.

We were about to become closer than ever before. And for a heart-warming moment, I realized that becoming Queen might not be my treasured memory of this day.

**So how'd I do? Please tell if this lived up to any expectations you had (I don't wanna let anyone down :S ) Again I'm sorry for the wait, but I hope this made up for it and was worth it. Make sure you look out for chapter 4!**

**xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Once again – I can't put into words how sorry I am for the delay. I hope it's worth the wait!**

Suzette had made sure that our room was candlelit in preparation for the late hours. Though I could only thing of how the bare flames glowed against Arthur's Skin. How much it intensified the burning desire in his eyes.

These precious moments where just as I had imagined them.

Blissful warmth and sunshine radiated from Arthur's finger tips as they skimmed across my collar bone and made me shiver and flinch at the same time.

But the bliss of each other's company soon faded when we began to maneuverer. Factors which I hadn't considered started to take their toll. For example, how I was to be undressed. I hadn't thought of it until I heard Arthur groan by trying to undo my laces. It was very ungraceful, but I managed to assist him without tripping over the excess fabric, until I was left in nothing but my undergarments.

It had only just occurred to me that so far, this was the barest Arthur had ever seen me. It seemed silly, considering that soon we would both be naked, but I felt wickedly exposed.

Of course I had dresses with lower cuts, and corsets that tightened and fitted closely around more chaste areas...

But it was more the principle. The promise of privacy that I was used to when it came this version of my body.

I wanted to be more confident. I wanted to appear eager, sensual, and mysterious. But I feared that standing like an idiot in the middle of the room in nothing but a single layer of material caused me to show nothing but hesitance and discomfort. But it dawned on me that this was a first for Arthur too. And when I looked past his knowing smile and his present posture, what I really saw was fear and nervousness. After we stood idoly for a lingered moment, Arthur fidgeted and pulled off his shirt.

Nothing I hadn't seen before.

Which meant the next move would be the most influential. The next movement would reveal something that neither of us had witnessed.

Yet all of it seemed quite pointless; the hesitation, the fear … With all that we had been through, why was it, that getting close to each other resulted in us feeling so far apart? How stupid it all was.

I walked over to my husband, and kissed him passionately. And from there I let matters take their course. For all my feelings for this one man collected into a fiery burst of energy and passion that controlled my limbs for me.

It was everything I had hoped for and more.

I lay on Arthur's bare chest, feeling more complete than ever. Arthur laid peaceful twirling strands of my strewn hair through his fingers.

"Are you alright?" He blurted

"Of course… why do you ask?" I looked up to get a better look at his face.

"I just- I prayed I hadn't hurt you" he whispered

"No…" I soothed "You were wonderful". I placed a hand on his cheek.

"You would have told me if you were uncomfortable? - "

"Stop. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect evening. Truly"

Arthur sighed and tightened his arm around me

"I only hope I was satisfactory, My Lord" I smiled, for I had intended to cheer his mood, but I _was _curious.

"Quite, my lady" He enacted pompously, before laughing and taking my head in his hand, so that our foreheads touched. "Guinevere… You truly are more than any man deserves. There is nothing you could ever do, to revoke me of the pure joy of having you here in my arms. Thank you"

He kissed me tenderly while our bodies moulded together like they were designed for each other.

As I sighed, I looked upwards and was reminded of something I intended to confront Arthur about.

"Arthur?"

"Mmm?"

"Would you care to explain a why map of Camelot conveniently shrouds the whole of my ceiling?"

"_Your _ceiling?"

"Yes" I smiled. These were my chamber's too "_My _ceiling_, _is it really necessary?"

"It's not just a map Guinevere…."

"Oh?"

"It's our job to protect the people of this land , and this map shows us every night before we go to sleep, what it is that we're fighting for…" His motives made _some _scene. But his facial expression betrayed him, he was clearly lying.

"Fighting means violence, and that is what you propose to relax us at the end of the day?" I questioned.

"Well…" he stammered

"Arthur, what is it?"

He sighed "It's sort of a petty dream of mine -" He looked into my eyes.

"Yes?"

"Never mind… I'll explain it later, I promise."

"But?!- "

"You won't be disheartened" He interrupted, and placed his index finger over my lips.

I grabbed his hand with both of mine "That better be true, Arthur Pendragon …." I smiled questioningly at his mysterious look.

"Oh it is"

And with that, he leant in, and kissed me once more in a cave of candlelight.

**It's a bit shorter than 1,2&3 I know… but please review and tell me what you think! –especially whether you want me to carry on or not.**

**Plus! Oh my God! Series 5 airs today! (well, in the UK) is anyone else uber excited!? Can't wait!**

**Thanks again!**

**X**


	5. Chapter 5

Weeks had past science my crowing. And I felt I was starting to grasp the meaning of being Queen.

I attended my first formal feast last night in celebration of Gaius's 70th Birthday.

Such measures had never been taken before for the likes of a court physician. But I thought it necessary. And after many nights of pleading to Arthur (also adding the length of Gaius's service to Camelot, and his incomparable advice, council and friendship towards us all) he finally agreed.

I had kissed him and thanked him dearly. After all, he was the first king in history to approve the first event of its kind.

It was a wonderful feast. The food was unlike anything I had ever tasted, specialities where prepared from the furthest parts of the Kingdom. And even though Ealdor lay within Cenred's land, Gaius had only one request. To sample the delicacy that was Hunith's Pheasant pie. And what a delicacy it was.

The knights were as lively as ever. Gwain began to round up the ladies of the court with his devilish smile; Merlin took every opportunity to make jokes about Arthur's ever expanding belt. And I even saw Suzette exchanging glances with Landred (A boy I knew, that worked in the kitchens).

All in all, it was a fabulous night. I had such fun that I couldn't stop smiling, even as me and Arthur lazily wondered back to our chambers, hand in hand.

"You seem in high spirits" He commented

"Why wouldn't I be?" I chirped "It was a wonderful evening "

"I don't know -I just…"

"What?"

"Nothing" he said with a smile, "Come on, you have your first hearing tomorrow" he sighed.

Ah yes, my first hearing. The last day of each month, when people from all over the kingdom could present any problem's they had before the king. His judgment was final on decisions that could not be made otherwise. Mainly these were domestic issues, village debates, complaints about law and disputes about plots of lands and their owners. To the court these matters seemed insignificant and more like squabbles. But I knew first hand some friends of mine that had to fight for their land in order to grow crops and feed their family. Close to starvation they managed to prevail. But they were very fortunate. To a king their troubles can be easily resolved, but little did they know that people's lives _do _hang in the balance.

I awoke refreshed. Suzette assisted me into a turquoise gown, and I was to meet Arthur in the palace at noon after he had finished his morning training session with the knights.

When the time came, I found myself sitting next to Arthur on our thrones, and the hearing commenced. For the most part it started off quite uneventful, many hearings past to do with land, couples in search of custody for a child, and I had a chance to make judgement on a matter of which Arthur was indifferent; Twin sisters in search of a ruling to say which one of them was to manage their dairy farm after the death of their father. After deliberation, I granted the one sister who had worked all her life on the farm, and taken care of her father while he was gravely ill. As opposed to the other who had only recently shown an interest in her family's heritage trade and more importantly inheritance.

Arthur looked upon me with pride, and I swelled with a small amount of pride in myself. And it was after this triumph of confidence that the gentleman with the suede coat walked onward to stand before us. Behind him followed a frail looking blonde haired woman and two small boys, one of which was being carried by his mother, though he looked way too big to be handled in such a way.

The man who stood in front of me had dark hair that was scrapped back into a ponytail and an expression beyond any form of fear I had ever witnessed.

The announcer to our left repeated the phrase I had heard a dozen times already. "And what matter of urgency and importance do you bring before his majesty today?"

The man fidgeted with his hands and cleared his throat before speaking, I wasn't quite sure why he was so nervous. He spoke almost in a hushed whispered tone while looking down at his feet.

"I-I regret to inform you that I am here to confess to a crime"

Arthur's posture spasmed at the word. His brow tightened, his iris intensified, and he leaned forward in preparation for an attack. The knights and guards outlining the room also stiffened in response.

"And what crime would that be?" Arthur asked cautiously.

The gentleman was terrified. So much that his answer came out in a sort of strained yelp.

"I have committed treason"

Guards automatically appeared and restrained him by thrusting his hands behind his back.

"No wait, please, let me explain I beg of you!" he pleaded

Arthur flagged them to stop with his hand.

"My son, my...- my son is very sick" he looked back at his family once more, to his wife holding who I presumed was the child in question. "I met with a physician who said he could cure him for 7 gold coins. We couldn't afford to pay. But when Freddie- my son- was spotted by a band of smugglers, they offered to give me 7 gold coins in exchange for maps of the borderline"

"You." Arthur breathed in disbelief. "You are the reason that we had smugglers hiding left, right and centre last week, and still! Do you know the money they deprive from this land!?" his rage was clear enough.

"I didn't see the harm at first my lord, I didn't know they would use the maps to find the weak points"

"You invacile ! What kind of fool – I don't even-" he blurted and stuttered in a kind of blind anger but Personally I thought he was over-reacting.

"Arthur.." I whispered , and placed my hand over his.

He abruptly turned "What?"

I just stared at him until he snapped out of it, and then gave him an encouraging nod. I turned back to the man with the suede coat "May I just ask… why have you confessed?"

"I'm sorry milady, I'm afraid I don't understand" he gulped, I think secretly glad he didn't have to answer to the king.

"Well, you could have kept the money for your son, and we would be none the wiser. Why is it that you have come to us of your own free will?"

The man gulped again and shuffled before answering "Well, when I realized what I had done, I went to steal them back, and got caught in the process. They threatened me and told me that if I ever came near them again, they would report me to you sire" he nodded towards Arthur "And make sure that my family suffered alongside me. I couldn't let that happen" I nodded discreetly in reply.

A silence rang thought the room. This man was innocent. He was just doing what he could to save his son. No one had been hurt.

"Then you leave me no choice" Arthur proclaimed sombrely "I sentence you to death. I cannot have traitors in my kingdom"

A wilted scream carried from the doors. The gentleman's wife rushed forward, with her child still in hand, and tried to grab her husband "No, please PLEASE!" she yelled, but the guards were already dragging him away. The pain and fear in her eyes was inconsolable. She fell to her knee's in front of Arthur "My Lord, I beg of you, please don't kill him, we meant no harm, please!" she screamed.

I was frozen to my seat, I wanted to reach out and protect the woman and her children.

"I'm sorry, but I have experienced too much of betrayal to ever forgive it" Arthurs words were final, he looked away from the woman and toward the other guards. "Escort her out".

"No…No!" the woman sobbed, before the guards reached her, she grabbed my hand "Please, your highness, show mercy! I beg of you; I know of your grace and compassion, please don't let my husband die!"

I stared wide-eyed and frozen at the woman in front of me, even as her grip loosened and she was being led out with her two children in tears.

Whimpers and yells of agony, pain and loss circulated throughout as the sound of family collapsing shrouded my hearing. This was all wrong. He couldn't do this, I wouldn't let him.

I turned to my right, to my husband, to my Lord, to my love.

And tried to figure out just how I was going to argue with the King of Camelot.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hope everyone enjoyed chapter 5 , but chp 6 is really the part that inspired this part of the story.**

**If I could request any chapter to be reviewed by a bomb load of people. It would be this one, so please please please take the time to let me know what you think, if it's not too much trouble. Thanks again! X**

Arthur had hastily exited the room after the hearing. I felt myself sigh and gasp at the same time when he left. I deliberated for a while before slowly following him and making my way up to our chambers.

I took a deep breath, and prepared by self before entering. As I did so, I softly closed the door behind me.

"Guinevere? Is that you?"

"Yes" I replied

I turned and saw Arthur standing, looking down at some papers on the large centre table. He had taken of his cloak and his chainmail, so that he was just Arthur. Well that made it the smallest bit easier; I don't think I could've handled confronting him with his cloak, robes, sword and crown.

He sighed, not noticing my discomfort, but yet still looking at me "I'm sorry that your first hearing was so disheartening. I hadn't expected such an eventful case today"

"Yes, well… I've been meaning to talk to you about that.."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of everything, I won't force any details with the execution upon you" he said looking back down at his papers.

"No, no… that's not what I mea-" my breathing came heavier

"Is there something wrong?" he inquired, noticing my distress and looking at me with concern. Well at least I had his attention.

"It's that poor woman. She'll be left without a husband"

"It is an awful shame, that much I know. But I'm sure you agree, it has to be done."

"But… surely he is innocent in some light" I suggested

"Did you not hear him? He confessed"

"Yes but… Only out of love for his son , can you really blame him? No one has been harmed"

"Guinevere…. I don't think you quite understand how far this could have gone. Yes , this time it was just smugglers..easily delt with. But what if the requester had been another king in search of a way into Camelot. It could have brought war. I fear that his love for his son would have clouded any loyalty to his Kingdom"

"Yes but as _you _said, the smugglers are easily dealt with. No harm has been done!" I started to feel my heated emotions rise to the surface. I could also see Arthur getting more agitated.

"Exactly" he snapped. "We're lucky he came forward so that we can end this. Imagine if I let him go, his son receives his cure but it's faulty, who knows what secrets he'd be willing to exchange in a state of desperate panic"

"His confession has proved his loyalty! His actions may have been wrong, but he doesn't deserve to die! And what about his wife? Left to fend for two children by herself! I've seen this before Arthur" I pleaded "They'll starve eventually, I know they will"

"I will make sure that the child is taken care of before their leave"

"You can't do this. I won't let you murder him and leave them penniless"

"I've felt the burn of treachery one too many times. Morganna… Agravaine… I cared for them , I showed them compassion and mercy , and they threw it back in my face. I've learnt my lesson , and it will be tolerated no further" He stared at me with fiery eyes.

"If it was our child. _your _child. You cannot tell me that you wouldn't go to the ends of the earth to save them. and if that isn't true then you are not the kind of man thought I had for a husband"

For that Arthur's only reply was simple" My decision is final"

"No."

Two seconds of silence passed, but the tension was tangible between us. Arthur was shocked, that much was clear, his eyes widened and his head cocked slightly in disbelief. He looked sad for a second before looking sombrely down then upon again. "I never thought that we would disagree so strongly on something… And I never dreamed I would have to do this… But I over-rule you."

I stared at him in shock.

"You _over-rule _me?"

"It's not like we're going to come to any mutual agreement…"

"And here I thought that you valued my opinion"

"I do!"

"Yet you're so willing to disguard it without a second thought. Without putting yourself in that man's shoes."

"I cannot risk the consequences of letting him go!"

"And that makes it okay to burn him instead?"

"I am to here no more of it. Let us please just go bed"

"So that you can do with me what you will?" Deep down I knew I was being childish to bring up our intimate relationship, but I felt degraded to such a status. "Am I no more than an asset to your man-hood?" I spat.

"You know I would never force you to do anything"

"Yet you have the power to over-rule me at anytime. Does that include my consent?"

I started to loosen my lace aggressively and slip the shoulders down.

"Don't" he threatened.

"Well what are you waiting for!? If I am not your queen to offer council, then this must be the only benefit you find in me!"

My heart started to pound. I stepped closer towards him so that my half bared chest was pressing up against his; our faces were so close that I felt his breath roll across my skin. I whispered loathingly, but also with a quiver for my emotions once again had failed me and threaten to overflow.

"You will never be able to empathise with your people. Never. You've spent your whole life with everything you need. You've never had the worry of not knowing where your next meal is coming from , if your clothes can fixed by morning or if you'll survive through the winter…." I was painfully reminded of the harsh winter's that I'd seen ever since I was a girl. Blackened finger-tips and chapped lips that split and bled leaving them dark rimmed and even more painful when eating what little food there was… But Arthur could never understand that level of suffering. "You're as blinded by your fear of war as your father was".

That struck a nerve and I saw the spark of anger in his eyes.

"And you were nothing but a servant"

I stepped back instinctively "You cannot imagine the pressure, expectation and responsibility that I've had to carry since before I can remember. You can barely understand what it means to govern. You know nothing of ruling a kingdom. Nothing!"

It felt like an eternity of stillness before I felt the first tear drop topple over and slide down my cheek.

Then time caught up and I hastily turned and half ran to the door.

"No… wait. Guinevere I'm sorry!" I felt his hand take a firm grip on my forearm. "Where are you going?" he whispered

I yanked my arm away with as much force as I possessed. "Oh I don't know. Probably the stock's where I belong"

"No, that's absurd. Someone will see you…"

"And…? I couldn't possibly know how to rule a kingdom, so there's no logic in me being queen. After all… I'm just a servant."

**Oooooooooh. What'll to happen to Arwen!? Don't worry nothing to tragic :D Tell me if you liked or not it really means a lot! X**


	7. Chapter 7

**For those who have been reviewing on a regular basis I want to thank form the bottom of my heart. I appreciate the enthusiasm from followers that desperately want me to update, but if you have followed this story from the beginning you will know all too well that my updating patterns are completely and utterly random. Sometimes it can be less than a day between chapters, and sometimes it's months. I can't help it, I write when I can find the time. So I apologise to those who are getting impatient with me, but it's just the way I work, and I hope that the chapters I produce are always worth the wait.**

**Much Love to all my followers**

**Shazaleaf**

**X**

He doesn't love me.

He never loved me.

How could he?

My core felt torn. And my body was sore from wretching my emotions onto the walls.

I had thrust open the doors to the furthest guest quarters I could find. By then the tears were no longer identifiable. There was nothing but a sheen of tears mixed with sweat that covered my face, making it unbearably damp causing stray hairs to stick.

I lay on the bed, the pillows drenched with tears, the sheets lay astrewn and somehow I managed to tare myself out of my gown.

How childish I was to mention his father. I should have known better.God have mercy, why did I say that?! If in that moment I hadn't had acted so, I could be lying in his arms…

The pillows were subject to more blows.

Yet it could have been so much worse. And I swallowed my heart in sorrow whenever I reminded myself of what Arthur said to me. _'And you were just a servant'_. Why he said those words …I fear I'll never understand. But yet however hard I tried to feel enraged by his words, deep down I knew them to be nothing but the truth. He was right. Of _course_ he was right. What could I possibly know about anything…?

I sobbed some more… my stomach quivered, and a sharp cramp slashed across my abdominal.

Was heart ache always this painful...? Emotions and thoughts rupturing in head were starting to make me go insane.

I had no one to turn too. I had no one.

Merlin… my best friend, was also Arthurs…

I couldn't ladle this kind of pressure upon Suzette, it wouldn't be fair...

Having a king for a husband had always promised safety, but the enemies of a king live in fear, and I doubted there was anyone Arthur hated more right now than me.

My own reckless thinking sent me into another spiral of outburst.

But somehow, somewhere along the journey of darkness, my watering swollen eyes and my aching body collapsed in sleep.

And as my heart continued to break, it was joined by the dawn.

**I know it's a short one, but I aim was to keep it short and simple when it comes to strong emotional chapters. Keep on reviewing Merlin Fans!**


	8. Chapter 8

I awoke numb.

Completely and utterly numb. There was no more energy left in my limbs or tears left to cry. The damage felt done, and I knew it could only get better.

I wasn't quite sure what the severity of my …...emotional night was.

But it wasn't until I sat up, that the thought of confronting Arthur made my whole body physically convulse with fear. I was so nervous and afraid that I vomited – thank God I was on the ground floor.

It felt like my body had been mangled by a beast, yet I had no cuts or bruises. I looked down at my limp body, but could only smell my own sweat. I needed a bath.

If I had remembered correctly, Suzette's chambers were visible from my window. I quickly lent my head once more outside and to the right… there. The rooms that lay underneath the castle were visible from here, down a flight or two I saw the tiny square hole covered by a wooden shutter. I gathered a hand-full of tiny gravel stones off of the window sill in front of me and tossed one across the tight alleyway. When there was no answer, I timidly tried again and willed her to hear it.

I heard a muffled moan "Who _is _that!?"

A confused looking Suzette thrust open the shutter and looked up and down rather angrily until she caught my eye. "My Lady!" she jumped.

"I need your help, could you make your way to these chambers as soon as possible?" I pleaded.

"Of course my lady! I-" she stammered

"No time to explain, please hurry…" I whispered.

Suzette arrived, bucket in hand without me having to ask her. I smiled in relief when she knocked and entered the room. She looked at me questioningly but knew me well enough not to dive into the situation. Luckily there was a bath tub in the corner which was filled in no time. I managed to wash my matted hair and clean my body while deciding just how I was going to get through the day.

Suzette fitted me into a deep purple gown, which unwillingly brought out the dark circles under my eyes. Once my hair was fixed, my options had ceased .I had no choice but walk outside the door, because staying in there forever wasn't an option.

With the knowledge that right about now the Arthur and the knights were meeting at the round table, I took the long way around; I'd convinced myself that confrontation was necessary, but not urgent.

With my stomach still quivering, with both hunger and nerves I travelled the lengths of the castle delaying my appearance. Although this resulted in some disheartening looks from some workers, that made me even more self-conscience… How much did they know? , had Arthur announce something last night that depicted me?

The last few feet towards the doors, I was suddenly hit with a burst of confidence. I had wallowed long enough, and although Arthurs words split open fresh wounds from the night before. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of my pain.

I could hear discussion among the knights, and proceeded to make an entrance. I signalled for the guards to let me through, which they did so by thrusting the doors open.

There was silence. Dozens of heads turned towards me. Emotions conveyed in my direction included apprehension and fear. I looked straight ahead and avoided all eyes while the only sound was my heels clicking against the stone floor, as I made my way closer to the gathering. My heart was beating so fast, I thought I might collapse right there.

And for the first time ever, I resented the idea of having to sit next to Arthur. I kept my eyes facing towards the bare centre of the round table while Percival who was placed to my left stood up to pull my chair out for me . In haste I pulled out my own chair, with a little more force than necessary, giving Percival a bit of a shock.

I sat down and made no move to meet my husband's gaze that was undoubtedly placed upon me.

After another moments silence, still without facing him, I heard him stagger to clear his throat before continuing.

"Ehhm…. Yes, as I was saying. More than half of the dungeon cell locks need replacing….- "

While he carried on with his meeting, I had time to reflect more upon what had happened last night. Arthur had made it clear he had more authority, and if he wanted me to act like a stay at home un- opinionated wife, solely there for his pleasure, then that was what he'd get. I only hoped that what had happened made him step back and think about what he was doing to an innocent man's family.

An awkward tone that set into Arthur's voice brought me back to the present. "And ehh…. As for Mr Drawley's sentence, he is to be burnt at Dusk. It has been concluded that his loyalties are no longer with his kingdom, and the risk of him making the same choice twice – considering his motives – are too high."

I sensed him turn towards me "Is there anything to add milady?"

"Oh, I'm afraid it's not my place to say …. _My Lord_" My sour tone attracted the attention of Gwain

"Of course it is Milady! You are our queen after all"

"Yes, well it seems your king does not share the same views"

There were some stifled gasps from the knights, but I was more aware of Arthur's sigh, I turned to my right and found him looking down towards his hands. He wasn't even going to defend himself.

Elyan looked as if he wanted to speak out. I knew him well enough to know how protective he was. But from the look on his face, I think he gathered the issues were marital based and thought it best to silence himself.

And with that, the meeting concluded and the knights were dismissed. Once the room had cleared there was only Arthur and myself left.

A tension like no other weighed on my chest making it hard to breath.

Finally he spoke first "Guinevere … "he whispered "I just want to say- "

"Do you still intend to sentence that man to death?"

"Yes" He replied more firmly.

"Then there's nothing _to _say" And with that I stood up and started to walk out, but he caught my arm in haste before I had even got out from behind my chair.

"There is everything to say and you know it." He snapped, eyes ablaze, now standing to face me.

He quickly composed himself and loosened his grip. "I said some things in a voice of anger that I shouldn't have used. I'm sorry, you can't imagine how sorry, I am ashamed at myself for addressing you in the manner I did" He caught my hand and said no more. I thought apologizes would clear some air between us…. Or incline me to forgive… but the fog that shielded my sorrow remained opaque.

"What's done is done "I replied "I don't think I'll ever forget how it felt to be called that by my own husband." My eyes started to tear again, they must have been loose from the night before because the tears fell without my noticing.

"Do you know how disgusted I feel about myself, walking down these corridors? You've made me feel no more worthy than the rags used in your kitchens." I spat. "I thought I could come in here and make you coward underneath your guilt… but seeing you just reminds me-…." I choked on my deceiving emotions "Just makes me feel nothing but agony". I pulled away from him and headed out clasping my own throat in attempt to swallow it all back.

At the door I turned back to relay one more thing "And by the way Arthur… _How _you spoke to me made no difference, it's the meaning of your words that haunt me. I thought you knew that". I walked out after that, travelling back towards to haven chambers.

What was wrong with me? I'd entered so confident… so sure that I'd overcome Arthur's words. But all I'd achieved was crumbling before him. Had I tried to pretend I was strong? Or was the problem really just Me and Arthur? Was I creating a fantasy world in which the fact that I loved him so much, that anything thrown at me or him to tear us apart would always fail? Then again, I didn't know what was real or not anymore. Everything was so confusing , I hadn't a clue how my husband really felt about me … and not a hint of how I was to supposedly carry on with any duties with it all hanging over my head.

One thing was for certain though, I needed food. And plenty of it. A wretchedly empty stomach and a whole night of exertion had made me crave something special in particular.


	9. Chapter 9

When I returned to the chambers in which I'd spent the night , I found Suzette making the bed.

When she saw my expression -which must have been exasperated, no doubt, she spoke, startled.

"Milady! Is everything alright?"

"Oh, I'm surprised you didn't ask earlier"

"I would have milady, but I thought it best not to arouse any feelings from the night before"

"You know what happened?"

"Not exactly… But this morning, you seemed terribly ill, and I could tell it was not of a physical blow"

"Yes, you're right…. I'm sorry to trouble you, but could I request some supper?"

"Of course!" She said with a smile "That is what I'm here for, what would like this evening?"

"Well strangely, all I've been able to think about all day is pheasant pie. You know of Merlin's mother Hunith? She bakes the most delicious pie… Merlin was telling me only yesterday before the hearing that she had sent some…"

"I will return with it in your chamber's piping hot" she chirped

"Thank you" I sighed, though I had to inquire as she walked out "You do mean these chambers, correct?"  
She scrutinized me for a second, saying nothing with questioning eyes. I got the message.

"I'll see you, back upstairs" I smiled half-heartedly.

Suzette was right; it was childish to cower away in here. Not only was it necessary for my marriage, but it was awfully cold down here…

I met Suzette walking into my chambers, just as we turned opposite corners at the same time, she was followed by Gaius.

"Gaius! Whatever brings you here?"

"Oh, I just wished to speak with you that's all milady"

"Of course!" I replied, I was always pleased to see Gaius, but he had a concerned look about him this evening.

Suzette had both arms full, and even as I went to open the door for her, she insisted she let me in. I really wished she would let me help her. I knew what it was like.

I sat down eager to quench my craving. I could smell the juices, and my mouth started to water.

"So Gaius, how are you?" I asked

"Very well milady, but I meant to speak to you about Arthur…"

"What about him?" I replied wearily

"He seemed incredibly disturbed early this morning"

I acted oblivious, but fooled no one.

"How so?" I asked with my eyes down.

A moment passed before I looked up to see Gaius eyeing me himself, with a faint smile on his lips.

"Whatever your quarrel just know, that I'd be damned if I saw a more distraught man today"

I let a knowing smile tug at my own lips. He always was a good friend.

While Suzette pulled Gaius aside to talk about something or other, I started to dig into the pie that smelled so divine. I knew it wasn't lady like but I couldn't help myself.

I shovelled a piled spoon of hot pastry and meat into my mouth and began chewing, the silky smooth rich gravy, infused with meat juices swirled and tantalized my tongue.

I went for another bite when my stomach, meanwhile digesting my previous mouthful churned in a very unpleasant way. I heard a disturbing gurgle and suddenly felt the contents changing course. My torso twisted, and I moaned from the pain, covering my mouth.

Both Gaius and Suzette turned at my whimper and rushed towards me. I brushed them away and ran for the window.

I had thrown up twice in one day.

"Milady!" Gaius exclaimed behind me "are you alright?"

He guided me towards the bed where I cautiously lowered myself down onto, closed my eyes and got a chance to breath. Vomiting was a terrible discomfort.

"Yes, yes…I've just caught something I think, I threw up early this morning as well. A few days should see me well" There was no need for him to worry. There were many more people out there with worse illnesses that he must attend to.

"This morning you say?" Gaius asked, eyeing me.

"Yes, why?"

"And how have you been feeling …. Emotionally lately"

"Gaius, what are you saying?"

He began to reply when Suzette intervened "I _have_ noticed some abrupt changes in your mood milady"

I stared at her wide-eyed "You have?"

"Oh! I meant no disrespect milady! Just that you looked so terribly upset this morning, and you seemed to avert through the day"

" I guess I have been a bit up and down , actually… when I think about , I've been all over the place. Crying and laughing, tempered and content."

"Well, Gwen" Gaius said with a smile "I'm very certain in my diagnose, and therefore honoured to tell you . That you're going to have a baby".

…

I sat on the window ledge of our chambers, looking out on a vibrant pink sky, clouded with grey.

Mr Drawley had just been burned at the stake. There was no point in sugar coating it.

The air was so thick with ash down there that it seemed like there was no ground at all.

I heard Arthur walk into the room and the noise of his shuffling suddenly stopped. He had noticed me. It was a start.

"The smoke lingers a while doesn't it?" I said, in awe of the magical colours that emerged from the heavens.

"I suppose"

Silence.

I owed it to him to be the first to speak. I turned to face him

"Arthur-"

"No please. Let me." He said "I know. I know Ive been a terrible husband. What I said to you last night, was unforgivable. I went over and over it in my mind, and I came to no conclusion as to how anyone. Especially me, could even think –"

"Stop" I silenced him. "Please… sit with me" I asked. It felt like so long since we touched. He came to sit next to me on the ledge.

"We have two subjects on which we are unsteady with each other. The first is Mr Drawley ; You are king. And your judgment matters more than most. I know you value me, but I also know that everything you do is for the good of your people. I was thinking only of him and his family and not what impression it would give to anyone who was contemplating treason." In any case , I could not undo the sentence.

"The second is what I said to you. And what you said to me.

"I provoked you. I insulted your father and ability to judge and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"No please "He soothed "Yes. What you said about my father was extremely hurtful, but it was also true. Sometimes the truth hurts, and I struggle to accept it, this I know. But for me to insult your past was unforgivable, particularly since I have fought against this segregation of class for so long. I didn't mean a word of it." He looked at me with such sincerity, such sorrow and hope all at the same time.

I kissed his cheek, and then lay my hand upon it. "Arthur, there's something I must tell you…"

He looked fearful for a moment, but I took his hand in mine for reassurance.

"I know I've been acting strange lately… Angry one moment upset the next."

"You must have had conflicted feelings about our disagreement, of course!"

"No- you see… it goes much deeper than that"

"How so?" he asked with questioning eyes.

Here they were, the last moments where he would know of being in a childless marriage.

This was it. He was about to become the happiest man alive – I hoped.

"There's a reason I've been acting oddly, all the over-reactions and diverse emotional outbursts" I explained with a nervous laugh "I threw up today as well and I –"

"You What!? Are you ill?" He rushes to feel my forehead, but I pulled his hand down immediately.

"No, no! Don't you see? Arthur I'm pregnant " I spluttered. "We're going to have a baby."

Although he hated to admit it. Arthur was sometimes terrible with words too.

So almost instantly, as if there were nothing else to convey feeling, expression, or speech… he kissed me.

The smoke had finally cleared and he kissed me against a clear pink sky. And in that moment I hoped I was carrying a girl. For pink really was so intoxicatingly pure.


End file.
